I’m Making a List

I’m still reeling from my doctors appointment on Monday. I’m just so surprised that it’s taken this long to find any semblance of help from anyone. Five years I’ve been waiting for a clear answer about surgery and I feel like I’m just that much closer.

But what if the surgeon in California sees my MRI and says that it’s not worth it? All I want is a new hip so I can live the way I want to. I don’t really feel like that’s too much to ask.

The surgeon in Hillsboro seemed very hesitant about doing a full hip replacement on someone my age with arthritis that hasn’t progressed far enough. He explained to me why he was hesitant about doing it again. He had been convinced to do it on someone before and the patient continued to have pain even after it was replaced.

So, if I’m not a good candidate for the PAO then it sounds like I have to just wait it out until my arthritis gets worse. But the thing is, I don’t want to do that. Who really knows how long it’s going to take for it to get to that point. No one really knows. And since I still want to have kids, that makes me wonder and worry as well.

Carrying a baby for nine months with hips like these isn’t going to be fun for anyone involved. I just feel like my mind is a scramble right now. So many questions and what-ifs but no real answers as of yet.

As of today I’m on my third day of the prednisone taper and I noticed that it was a teeny tiny bit easier getting dressed and putting on my socks this morning. I suppose that’s a bit of progress.

Today I only took the muscle relaxer before I went into work, taking the Norco and the muscle relaxer make me very sleepy. But just one of them is fine. I’ve also been taking my heating pad with me to work. So when I’m sitting at my desk I can turn it on and keep the heat constant so maybe I’ll get everything back into place quicker.

Taking the two medications at night are at least helping me get a good night’s sleep. When I’m really hurting it just seems like my body wants me to go into hibernation but it keep getting interrupted by pain and cramping.

Typically I’m a person that can sit very still for a long period of time and I don’t move or get the nervous fidgets from sitting too long. But recently I have been up and down, turn this way, try this side. It’s a never-ending battle.

Recently, I’ve started compiling a list of things I want to do and/or accomplish if/when I get new hips. This is what I have so far:

  • Get into shape (I mean, that’s a given)
  • Try rock climbing
  • Kayaking
  • Go hiking
  • Start working on ceramics again
  • Start a family
  • Move into a home, not another apartment, a home

I’m sure there’s many other things I want to do but they just haven’t come to mind yet. I’ll definitely been more to the list over time.

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