When my husband proposed to me, of course I was excited and over the moon. To the point where I said yes and hadn’t even looked at the ring.

In the back of my mind there was a lingering concern slowly starting to creep into my consciousness. What am I going to do about standing at the alter? I can’t stand for a long drawn out wedding ceremony. Our first idea was to have our wedding at Timberline ski lodge in late September. We didn’t want a huge ceremony, and getting married in a beautiful lodge, in front of the fireplace sounded perfect.

Unfortunately, my family and I had a huge falling out and I made the decision to cut contact. It’s a very long story that could probably be saved for another time. Because of this, our wedding party was quickly shrinking. Stress from family happenings was really getting to me, and I couldn’t think about planning a happy event when I was feeling so alone in the world. We made it through the holidays, spending time out of Salem definitely helped ease a bit of the stress that was waiting at home.

The first of the year rolls around, I’m still frustrated with family things and I still have that lingering feeling like my life isn’t really going somewhere, it’s at a stalemate. So I bring up the idea of getting married at the courthouse with a his parents and my sister, her husband and kids. Come to find out we’re on the same page, I was so excited because having a large wedding with a ton of people just wasn’t something I had been anticipating. Plus, planning a wedding is a huge task that costs astronomical amounts of money.

I made my bouquet, my sister did my hair, and I found a dress that was reasonably priced. Still, in the back of my mind I was concerned about standing for a longer period of time. During the time we were saying our vows, I found myself shifting my weight back and forth. That day was the first time since everything had began that I wasn’t constantly thinking about my pain and when I’ll be able to sit next. Thankfully the people I was around that day were very understanding and if I needed to sit, they would have looked for the closest chair.

A few months pass and I receive a promotion at work, my pay and hours go up so I’m finally able to get off of the Oregon Health Plan. I go to the healthcare marketplace and I end up choosing a plan with Kaiser Permanente mostly because it will be a whole new clinic, a new set of physicians, and maybe some real help. Unfortunately the only two Kaiser physicians accepting new patients are at a clinic about 25 minutes north of me. Oh well, something is better than nothing. I have the choice between an M.D. and a D.O. Since I hadn’t had much luck with M.D.’s up to this point I decided to try seeing a D.O.

Here’s a great description: But, what is a D.O.?

Starting to feel that bubble of optimism started to expand, I decide to tell myself not to get my hopes up. I’ve had them squashed so many times before, I just can’t keep letting that happen. Meeting with my new physician I find him very nice, caring, and for once I felt like I was being listened to. He listened to all of my whiny complaints about the pain, what my conditions were, and even suggested trying physical therapy for the sciatica on my left side.

I also got a referral to a new orthopedic physician. But of course, that wasn’t going to be easy, nothing ever seems to be anymore.

I hadn’t heard from anyone about getting an appointment set. They had said that I’d hear something within three to five days. Ten days goes by and I finally call customer care to figure out what’s going on. Evidently the orthopedic physician they had referred me to in Salem looked at my records and my new X-rays and basically said that he didn’t know how to treat someone with my ailments so he suggested I be referred to another physician. Eventually I get a call saying that the clinic they’ve referred me to is in Hillsboro, Oregon which is about 65 miles from where I currently am. The person then informs me that their scheduling is months out so I won’t be able to see anyone until at least November. I agree and have them schedule me in. I’ve already waited this long, why not just tack on a few more months?

I start thinking I need to move to southern California to get fixed. I absolutely hate the heat, but I’d deal with it if that meant being fixed so I can move on with my life.

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